Out From Under

The last time lingerie was the focus of social reform, it was going up in smoke. Literally. That, however, was then. This is now. These days bras are are no longer implements of the dark side, symbols of the repression and objectification of women. No, now they are being revered for their power to Do Good.

And not just the undeniable good of keeping your double-D’s clear of your belt buckle. No, indeed.

These days, as the folk at Triumph are proving over and over, bras can turn the mind of mankind from selfish, petty concerns, and move them to a plane of higher awareness. Whether the issue de jour is energy conservation; a reminder to Reduce, Re-use, Recycle; or even voter apathy, Triumph has created a bra for it.

Take the chopsticks bra, with its little carry-pouch under the left arm in which one stores a handy pair of collapsible, re-usable chopsticks. Not so much of an issue here, but reasonable in Japan, where each person goes through an average 200 pairs of disposable pairs a year.

We may not have the chopstick issue, but we certainly have a disposable cup issue. How about if, instead of tossing yet another cup with every coffee you drink, you carried re-usable cups in your solar-powered bra?

You read that right. Solar-power bra, which packs a panel that generates enough energy to charge your iPod, and comes with a pair of re-usable drink containers, one for each (bra) cup. It even has an optional wee sign under the breasts. One wonders what the sign might say. “Hands off”? “Visitors Welcome”? “36B”?

Perhaps you could program your sign with a political slogan to support your girlfriend in her boost-voter-turnout bra. Together, the two of you could fight the twin demons of waste and voter apathy! And when you’ve cast your ballot, you can unpack your shopping bag bra to tote home the day’s groceries.

Sadly, these concept bras will not be in the stores any time soon. There’s the teeny issue of water damage to the solar panels — never mind rain: how precisely does one launder a solar panel? And the further teeny issue that if you need the bra to keep the girls in line, you can’t be whipping it off to lug the melons home. And the further, further issue that in not a few jurisdictions, the attempt to do any of the above might get you arrested.

So, no, you can’t buy them, and I think Triumph spokeswoman Yoshiko Masuda overstates the case just a tad when she claims it sends “the message of how lingerie could possibly save the planet”.

“Save the planet?” I think not.

But … they made you look, didn’t they?

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 at 6:45 am and is filed under lingerie. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.