No Kissing

How did people in the 1950’s do it? How do the Mormons and the Amish do it? How do people in more conservative countries do it? Dating without being able to do anything-I mean anything is frustrating. One of the added bonuses of getting all sick and being on antibiotics was developing an infection in my mouth. My tongue is swollen, really red, and bumpy. The doctor has said that there will be no kissing until the infection is gone. Super.

Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem for me as you’re all fully aware of how infrequently I actually have the opportunity to kiss anyone. Now, when the opportunity presents itself, I can do exactly nothing about it. 3D has been a saint about the whole thing. He really is a dreamy dreamboat from dreamtown. Who tolerates that kind of nonsense?

We seem to be working backwards. On our first official date (which was really our second), we made out several times. He was a gentleman and didn’t try to steal second or go anywhere near third base. Now, here were are 2 weeks later and several dates in and we can’t freaking hook up. Boo. Why, life? Why must you be like this?

He visited me twice (yeah, I said twice, and he even said I looked “hot”. I’m pretty sure that he had walked into a wall and hit himself in the head before saying that) in the hospital, and came over here last night-knowing full well that there would be no kissing. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, there’s plenty of other stuff that we could be doing. You know, perhaps if we were further along into “this” (whatever “this” means), then maybe we would. But we’re at the beginning. There has only been kissing on one date, I’m not taking it any further until the doctor gives me the green light.

So there we were last night, enjoying one another’s company, and completely unable to make out. Nothing. Not one damned kiss. It freaking sucked. On the brightside, this totally makes me seem chaste as I didn’t wind up with his peen in my hand or in my mouth on whatever number date we’re on. I’m so virtuous it hurts.

You know what we ended up doing instead? Something totally novel that I’m not used to. We talkedand got to know each other (and not in the naked sense). I know, right, weird!! You know what’s super strange? We actually told one another how long we usually make other people wait for sex, and actually discussed (and not in a dirty way) sleeping with one another. What is this?? An adult conversation? I am not used to having such conversations. I prefer yelling “that’s what she said” and pretending like I’m 12.

Anyway, we were together for about 6 hours last night, and he was a prefect gentlemen. He did his best to not stare down my dress, I know this because he told me he was struggling to maintain eye contact. He didn’t get all grabby on me and start thrusting his hand up my skirt, and while he was disappointed about the no kissing thing, he didn’t make a big deal about it. As a matter of fact, it was me that had to end the night.

We had gotten home from dinner and were sitting on my couch chatting. I don’t know what got into me, but suddenly I wanted to freaking maul him. I could feel my cheeks and chest getting flush and immediately told him that he had to leave or he was in danger. He was flattered, I was frustrated.

Ergh this better clear up fast. I have my doctor’s appointment on Thursday morning. He and I are going to have lunch on Friday. If all goes well, I don’t think we’ll be eating anything either than one another’s faces.

God I’m klassy.

No Kissing

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